Downward Spiral

Has anyone else ever noticed that when you start to make mistakes, then things seem to just pile one upon the other till you have a whole heap of failure in front of you? That's how I feel about my life all the time. I try really hard to do the right things, and do them well, but so often, I feel as if I'm the most horrible, useless, irresponsible person on the planet.

I try so hard. I can do the basics. I keep my child fed and clothes, and we have a roof over our head and our living space is generally safe and warm. My cats are well-fed and healthy. We're all pretty well-adjusted. I haven't committed any crimes; I even drive the speed limit. I'm a productive member of society. I work full-time, and my supervisor and coworkers have had few complaints about what I do. I vote regularly. I support my church and my local public library.

Why can't that be enough?

But no, our society doesn't work that way. As evidenced by my to-do posts below, I always have so much to do, to stuff into those all-too-few moments in between working, commuting, mothering, cooking, cleaning... There are phone calls to make, papers to organize and file, best-sellers to be written. I have to provide snacks for the daycare or another activity. I'm the sole provider for my family, and I'm also the parent, the homeowner, the CEO and general manager of the household. And God help us if I don't serve 100% organic, locally sourced food, and if I don't exercise daily in order to keep myself looking like a bikini model. It's overwhelming. If I let one thing slip, everything else starts to go as well. How does anyone actually managing to hold a modern life together without spinning like a whirling dervish and then imploding from the craziness?

It's days like this that I want to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my head, and wish the entire outside world far far away.