11 May 2008

Back Again

Well, here I am again, dear readers, apologizing for neglecting my blog and you. Believe me, I do care about my writing and I care about all of you. Really. The thing is, dear readers, I want to tell you that I've been going through some Stuff in the past several months. My life has been In Great Disarray. I won't lie. It has been Awful. I might venture to say, Very Awful. Or even, Very Very VERY Awful. How bad was it? I had no reliable internet access for more than a month. Yeah. But seriously: If you are a family member or close friend, you probably know some of my Stuff. And if you don't know, it's just because I didn't want to burden you, and certainly not because I am uncaring about you or consider you untrustworthy.

Without spewing too many details (because I want to neither bore my readers nor provide grist for a rumor mill), I have been deeply wounded by people whom I once trusted and about whom I once truly cared. I am not perfect by any means, but I didn't deserve to be treated the way that I was. I will never understand it.

Of course, dear readers, the reality is, nobody wants to go through hard and terrible times. I recall the story of my dorm father, who lost his son in a tragic auto accident: He once related how their family had changed and grown in the LORD as a result of this ordeal, but added, "If given the choice, I still might choose mediocrity if it meant that I could have my son back." And so maybe I would choose mediocrity if I could just have a nice and pain-free life. The LORD does not give us a choice. And perhaps that is the essence of obedience in the Way of Life: Accepting what He has chosen for us, trusting that it is His best for us, even though we do not see it for ourselves.

Fortunately, despite battling a significant load of (fairly justifiable) anger and sorrow, I think I have also managed to learn and develop both as a human being and a follower of Christ. I have clung to God during the past year, and He has sustained me. I discovered who my real friends are. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Many family and friends have drawn together to show me love and support. They constantly remind me, "This is what family is for. You have to let us take care of you; you would do the same for us. And anyway, you've spent a lot of energy in the past taking care of other people, so now it's just your turn to receive." I even found a home and family members that I didn't even know that I had until I really needed them, and suddenly, there they were!

And through everything, I had my ultimate blessing from God: My darling baby Nathan!

But now? Things are getting better. And that, readers, is as much as you'll hear about THAT. Pale pixie-looking waif = Way the heck tougher than I appear at first glance. I'm back, baby, and I'm badder than ever! I'm not just a survivor; I'm a thriver!


Willow said...

Dear wums, I'm so glad you're back and thriving!

Robby and Candace said...

Glad to have you back, Deb. I've missed your blog! I was getting a little tired of reading the DelTaco story every time :) Not that it's a bad story...but you know I have a serious Taco Bell lover in my home.

Kiti said...

Taco Bell is okay, really, BUT THEY DON'T HAVE MILKSHAKES.

Ben said...

Welcome back Deb. We missed the Nathan updates.

Amanda said...

No reliable internet access for a month?! That's got to be one of the 7 layers of hell...

Glad to have you back!