Family on both sides

"The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you." (Kendall Hailey, writer)

Anecdote
On Friday afternoon, I met a little girl in Watts who asked me if my sister was my sibling "on your dad's side or your mom's side". In her experience, parents are very seldom married and women typically have children by several different men, who have of course impregnated several different women in their time. It makes family relationships extremely complicated, to say the least. She was surprised when I told her that all the children in my family were from the same mommy and daddy.

All in the Family
Due to several factors, including hearing about it at Bible study and talking about it with my mom, I gave a lot of thought to dissecting my family members' personalities and the ways that we relate to one another. We use Myers-Briggs/Keirsey typing because we've found them to be most useful and accurate. Interestingly, fully half of the people in my nuclear family are Rationals (NTs). This is unusual because Rationals are, overall, a smallish percentage of the population, but I think the two NT children (Mike and Deb) inherited a lot of personality characteristics from the strong NT father. Remember, the four main categories can be distinguished as Guardians (xSxJ), Artisans (xSxP), Idealists (xNFx), and Rationals (xNTx).
Anyway, here is the breakdown:
Dad--INTP, Engineer/Thinker (sometimes INTJ, Mastermind/Scientist)
Mom--ISFJ, Protector/Nurturer (sometimes ESFJ, Provider/Caregiver)
Dan--ENFP, Champion/Inspirer
Deb--INTJ, Mastermind/Scientist
Mike--INTP, Engineer/Thinker
Mia--ISFP, Composer/Artist
For the people attached (not born) to the family, Jeff is generally ENTP (Inventor/Visionary) and I'm really not sure what Tim is.

Overall, we get along pretty well, and the truth of the matter is that nobody understands you as well as your family. My dad and I are so very similar in temperament that we understand each other very well, and he has not often been too concerned about over-fathering, so to speak, as he let me do my own thing since I was 13 or so, knowing that he could step in to guide if necessary (i.e. if I asked him for advice), but also knowing that although I'd make mistakes, he could trust that I'd eventually end up where he wanted me. [Thanks, Dad. Now even perfect strangers have observed that for all practical purposes, I am you.] Mia told me that she was so excited when the time came, a few weeks ago, that she had to make an important decision about school, and for the first time in her life, Dad sat down with her, discussed her different options, and basically treated her the way that he'd treated me since I was a young teenager: as an intellectual peer! Dad treats Mia more the way that he treats Mom, as a treasure to be guarded and nurtured, than the way he treated me; it makes her feel valued, whereas I would have found such treatment stifling, and I have always felt valued when he makes it obvious that he respects my thoughts and opinions, as a thinker. My mom, for her part, told me that she has worked hard all my life to make sure that I realize it's okay to be who I am, who God made me to be: a female INTJ. I guess she sort of ran interference on my behalf when I was in high school, since some people must have not understood me and my strange ways. [Thanks, Mom! I'm sorry I wasn't an outgoing, popular, pretty cheerleader so that my high school years could have been easier for you. But at least I'm not boring, right?]
I can get frustrated with Dan and Mia, since we are not very similar, and I know they think I'm too harshly logical and argumentative sometimes. I'm plenty harmonious with Mike, but I do think he's a little flaky, since he's a P and very easy-going. The bottom line is that since I'm the only one among the children who is a J, I end up being the bossy one. Go, me! Mia says that Tim still doesn't always know how to take me, but he's learned that if I go out of my way to talk to him and seek his thoughts and opinions, and even argue with him and show him where he's wrong, it means that I like him. It's how I show that I care. If I was nice to him when I had to interact with him, but didn't have discussions or even correct him when he is blatantly wrong, it would mean that I don't like him. Heheh.

Anyway, here are some things Mom and I sort of identified about my personality. I love information and systems. I love ideas, and definitely prefer ones that have practical application, but I have no problem with seeking knowledge for its own sake. My tendency toward logical analysis and pragmatism causes me to often be dismissive of emotions, or of people I discount as useless or incompetent. I can make a system, a diagram, a chart or table, out of anything. I can identify systems and patterns where others see chaos, which makes me an excellent teacher, as I can break down and build up ideas in an effective manner. I am self-confident in subject areas where I know I am competent, and I've learned that I'm surprisingly strong-willed. I'm a natural and excellent leader, but prefer to work behind the scenes, becoming the "power behind the throne" that makes things run smoothly. I think and pretty much exist "outside the box", because the structure and organization that I require are all in my head; I don't usually need them externally. My house is a mess, but my brain is in fabulous order! I don't always like people, but I deal with them well, overall, because my natural ability to acquire and analyze data helps me to observe and understand people to an extent that may surprise many (I can know a lot about you, and guess even more, from little things I've observed and analyzed and compiled--clues that you may not even be aware that you're revealing); thus, I can be a wise and comforting counselor in one-on-one situations, if you need a listening ear attached to a level head (but then again, I might be dismissive of your feelings, if I think you're being overly emotional or something, and this is probably off-putting).
Jeff is a good husband for me, since he accepts my quirks ("No, I didn't do the laundry, Jeff, but listen to my latest theory about Plato...") and even understands the way I operate (being a balanced Rational himself). He thinks I should be nicer to people, and helps me find ways to reach that goal, but he doesn't put me down for being how I am; he just wants me to have an easier time in life, and he smooths the way for me.

Oh, yes, and I like chocolate, cats, and the color blue. I listen to punk, nostalgia, and classical music. I'm a kind friend, once you get to know me.

Some of my close friends whose profiles I know or can accurately guess:
Sara--ESTJ
Elizabeth--ENFJ
Christina--ENFJ
Laurel--ENFJ
Sherida--ISTJ
Wendy--ISTJ
Melissa--ESTJ
Ben--ISTJ (?)
Ojan--ENTJ
Jeff Leary--ESTJ or ENTJ (not sure)
Katie--INTP or INTJ
Jessica--INFJ?
Stephanie--INFP
Leianna--ESFP
Megan Mendoza--INFP
Christie--I wouldn't be surprised if she's a moderate ESTP or ESFP, but a quiet ENFP is also likely.
Bekah--Almost certain to be ENFJ or INFJ.
Mark Baesel--ENFJ

I'm going to have to guess about my in-laws:

Jerry--INTP (this is a pretty safe guess)

Debbie--ESFJ

Rob--INFP?

Candace--ENFJ?

Funny. In friendships, I see a definite pattern in that I tend to consistently be drawn to thinking Guardians or judging Idealists. If I have male friends, though, they are often Rationals (I didn't even list any of my buddies from the engineering world, who are statistically almost guaranteed to be Rationals). My only true Artisan pals are my sister and my wild-child friend Leianna. =)