03 June 2008

Realization

It is a strange thing to be the most important and wonderful thing in someone's world. We all have close relationships in which we may be considered important or wonderful, but not all-consumingly so. For Nathan, though, I really am the most important thing in his life. I feed him, I take care of him, I keep him safe in my arms. He is always delighted to see me or hear my voice. If he is crying, he wants me to hold him and make it better. It's his favorite thing to be cuddled or sit on my lap. When I'm feeding him, he often has my shirt or tank top in a baby death grip, as if he's saying, "Don't ever be apart from me, Mama!" Huh. He likes me. He likes me.

Sweet. And scary. I'm terrified that I'll fail him somehow.

4 comments:

Willow said...

I know that being the most important thing in four people's lives at one point in time made me want to be a better mother and human being. I wanted to live up to that expectation.

I know I failed at times, and, being human, you will too. But the wonderful thing is that you have always been forgiving of your mother's failings and Nathan will see your example and follow your footsteps.

Robby and Candace said...

So sweet, Deb. I want my own Nathan :)

Kiti said...

That's good, Can, because Nathan needs a cousin!

Mama Mia said...

You are a fantastic mother, sis, and I'm sure that, though you may not always do it perfectly, it will be a perfect love that enables you to be Nathan's everything.

Love you and miss you!
-adik mia